How to talk to others with a different point of view
Having conversations with people who have different perspectives can be a great opportunity to learn and grow, especially in college when you’re developing your own opinions.
By listening and understanding where someone else is coming from, you give yourself the chance to learn new things, find common ground and become a better person. And if you find that you disagree with someone, talking it out is an essential skill that can help build trust and strengthen relationships.
Here are some ways to turn a difficult conversation into a thoughtful discussion.
Approach conversations with an open mind
College is a great place to consider new ideas and hear different viewpoints. When you listen with genuine curiosity and let others share their thoughts, you’re giving yourself the chance to learn more and see things from new angles.
Remember, everyone’s background and life story affects how they see the world—including yours! Take some time to think about how your beliefs and opinions came to be, and stay open to learning how someone else’s experiences have shaped their views, too.
Prioritize listening
During a conversation, it can be common for people to think about their response while the other person is talking, instead of fully paying attention to what’s being said. Conversations aren’t about “winning” or proving someone wrong—they’re about exploring different ideas together.
Try to listen with the goal of understanding, and not just to respond. Setting the intention to listen will help you approach conversation more openly rather than coming to it with set points and arguments.
When someone’s talking, give them your full attention. Ask questions if you’re not sure what they mean, and genuinely encourage them to share more about their perspective. This approach can make you a better communicator, and it helps others feel valued and listened to—which is key for having honest, open conversations.
Practice effective communication strategies
Having good communication skills can help direct the conversation in a productive way. Here are some skills to use when talking with someone with a different perspective:
Be mindful. If someone feels passionate about a topic, it may bring up strong feelings. But remember, you can only control what you say and how you say it, so tone and demeanor matter. Arguing may feel satisfying in the moment, but it’s often an ineffective communication tool.
Ask open-ended questions. Get curious about where the other person is coming from, and ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of how the person has come to their perspective.
Use reflections to clarify. Restating what you think someone is saying gives them a chance to clear up any confusion or explain more about what they mean. You don’t have to agree with them to show you’re making an effort to understand where they’re coming from.
Acknowledge different perspectives. Whether someone agrees with another person’s position or not, they can acknowledge or affirm what is important to them and the values that form their perspective. Recognizing a shared value (such as caring for others, autonomy, honesty or integrity) that underlies a viewpoint can be a way of bridging differences.
Before you share your own thoughts, try to repeat back what you understood the other person is saying. This shows you’re listening and makes them feel heard. When you respond, use “and” instead of “but” to connect your ideas. For example, you could say, “I understand where you’re coming from, and I have a different point of view. Here’s how I see it...” Using “and” helps keep the conversation open and respectful, so the other person doesn’t feel shut down or defensive.
Remember, it’s okay if you don’t resolve every difference in one conversation. You can always leave space to revisit the issue later, allowing everyone time to reflect and return with a fresh perspective. Most importantly, end your discussion with appreciation for the other person’s willingness to talk things through—expressing gratitude builds trust and keeps the lines of communication open for the future.
Find support
CU Boulder offers programs and spaces for people to share their perspectives and learn skills to have thoughtful conversations.
Student Conduct & Conflict Resolution (SCCR)
SCCR helps students develop skills for having challenging conversations through conflict coaching, mediation and consultation services.
Center for Cultural Connections & Community
The Center offers various events, programs and groups where students, faculty and staff can join fellow Buffs to share their experiences and learn from others in a welcoming space.
Center for Student Involvement (CSI)
CSI offers resources for student activism and guidance for Buffs looking to get more involved in civic engagement.
CU Student Government (CUSG)
CUSG, the official governing and representative body of the student population, provides a space for Buffs to bring attention to and respectfully discuss issues they are passionate about.
Office of Institutional Equity & Compliance (OIEC)
OIEC offers skills-based workshops for students, faculty and staff to effectively work across differences and build healthy workplaces, classrooms and relationships.